Jezus died for our sins so we could be free of them, he hung out with the outcasts of society and showed everyone how to love each other and how to forgive. But still people who believe in God and the bible are so quick to judge. With the first one in this row I kind of wanted to show my frustration. In the bible we learn that God is love and love is God. But if I, a (gender)Queer person, loves someone, it's a sin. And christians drink it up so they can feel better and more holy. 

The idea of God has always appealed to me. I love looking for the fantastical and magical parts of the world, and the idea of a being who made this wonderful world and the beautiful people in it seemed like an amazing fairytale. It was also a great comfort. To talk to someone at the end of my day and know that they had a plan for all my dreams, failures and future. And the idea of someone who made the flowers, the clouds, all the beautiful animals and so much more, and that being loved you, it was an immense hope and support. But I also met a lot of christians who took those words which I read in such a hopeful light and mended it to be a weapon. And then I became friends with people who didn't believe in God but still were so full of love and kindness. While I learned it could only come from God. And how could God ever send those beautiful people into internal suffering? And when I found out I was queer, I tried to convince myself that God still loved and accepted me but christians didn't agree. How could I believe in a God who didn't believe in my existence? It really messed me up. I still have very conflicting feelings about religion but this project helped me dissect my feelings a bit. 

I grew up with the Narnia books as a kid. These were the only fantasy books I was allowed to read because they were written by a christian guy and the books had lots of religious undertones. And i absolutely adored these books. I love the intricate worlds, the wonderful characters and the magical Aslan. And now that I am not a christian anymore, I look back at the bible as a kind of fairytale. Something I as a kid was amazed by and inspired me. And now that I'm older and know the world a bit, I can look back and see the flaws the bible, my christian community and organized religion as a whole have. 

The end result of this project were 3 little paintings. The first one was about how therapeutic praying was for me, a kind of diary. The second one was about the beautiful but scary idea of God. An all-knowing, judgmental but somehow loving God. And the third one was about me looking back at my childhood with a bittersweet perspective. To see an innocent little kid who does not know what is about to come. 

I chose a lot of light blues and reds to symbolize the black and white thinking religious people tend to do. You can especially see that in the last one. Where baby-me is swimming in innocence but more grown-up me has a red line across their chest and red swimming pants on to symbolize me being trans (the red line on my chest resembles a double mastectomy scar) and queer. 

When I looked back at this project I can only feel a gigantic pride. I was struggling a lot more with religion then I am now and I was freshly out of christianity and still I made such beautiful and honest art about it. I tend to be very self-critical but this makes me very empathetic towards myself.